Now change the world.

I remember entering college wondering if I could make a difference in the world. Now that I'm leaving, the scary thing I've learned is that every action, word, purchase, relationship changes the world, it's just a matter of how.

Our lack of humility is not primarily from too high a view of ourselves, but too low a view of God.

What I've learned is that I matter so much more profoundly to God, every moment is more significant, and God is so much more good, amazing, beautiful, powerful, wise than I ever knew.

Lilies of the Valley

After two successful fundraisers, thanks to the support of many friends, I'm at almost 90%! About $400 left to raise, plus paying for travel immunizations (about $300). 

I never thought I would make it this far! I'm so thankful to God and the people who supported me.

This has been a crazy couple of weeks, with 3 fundraisers, 2 papers, starting finals, travel prep and research! Loving the crazy adventure :). 

Thank you!!!! 

Fundraising Fail

Selling pizza in libraries and study lounges during finals week sounds like a GREAT fundraiser, right?

Checklist:

• Paper plates
• Napkins
• A bunch of $1s and $5s for change
• Price calculation ($2/slice gives us a profit of $8/pizza)
• Time
• Location (UCSD's finals are after my fundraising deadline... had to go to SDSU instead)
• Most importantly.... pizza!

After finding parking and walking around an unfamiliar campus and study lounges, NOT ONE PERSON bought a slice. Though plenty of people had compliments on our brilliant fundraising scheme, and several people enjoyed sending us on wild goose chases to bother their friends. 

Fail. 

Well, at least we have lots of pizza to eat. 

$2200 left to fundraise in 2 weeks! 

The Dark Side of Chocolate

We watched the film The Dark Side of Chocolate this weekend.

The film is a heartbreaking story of child trafficking, slavery and labor in the Ivory Coast. The journalists follow the trafficking and slavery process from beginning to end. They interview people in the trafficking business and the anti-trafficking fight. They confront blatant lies and cover-ups and expose the tragic truth.

This little girl they intercepted in the trafficking process. She had open sores on her legs and said that her family will be disappointed that she is returning.

The film had great potential in its story telling, but an incredibly disappointing ending. After such an incredible story with great footage, the film ends with the journalists berating major chocolate companies to no avail. The last scene is broadcasting the film on a giant screen in front of a chocolate factory.

This is such an unfortunate ending to me because it provides no action steps. Addressing the chocolate industry is only a partial solution at best, and aggressive smear campaigns have not worked as well as positive reinforcement for the companies who are fair trade. The film gives no clues for consumer activism (how do I make sure to buy slave-free chocolate?) or any other viewer action step.

Ultimately, the film is like a well-designed, visually striking lamp with no light bulb.

You make everything glorious

Thank You for encouraging my heart, Lord. 

Our team had a great meeting on Sunday and hangout on Monday. It was refreshing and encouraging to my soul to hear how others struggle with fundraising like me. My team came around me and supported me, praying for me and coming up with all sorts of creative and generous ways to help me. I'm also continually thankful for Kenny, who drives me everywhere I need to be and walks every step of this journey with me.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

14%

Well, 13.75% to be exact. Today the first support letters came in! It's going to be a stretch making $1,500 by Monday, but I'm coming up with a few ideas with the help of friends.

What happens if

A dear friend asked me today, "What happens if you don't raise the funds?"

......

I don't go. 

This hit me pretty hard last night and seems to be an overwhelming possibility. It's too early to say, but I feel I will be able to raise an absolute maximum of $1,000.

I believe that God has the power and the resources to provide the money. That's never the question, is it? The question is always... will He?

Why should I believe that He will bring $4,000 to some washed up college grad on the West Coast so she can take an outrageously expensive trip to the other side of the world? Why, especially when there are so many more pressing needs around the world that are not being met?

The fact is that God does not meet every need. I have gone without certain needs many times in my life. Many, many other people in the world go without crucial basic needs- even to the point of death.

But He has promised that He will provide for everything I need to follow Him. He has promised that I can face any need and be content. He has promised I can suffer greatly and still feel joy.

I'm curious to see how that will work.

I still have many questions and heartbreaks over the possibility of failing. First of all, I am in love with Malawi and this church and my team. To not be able to give to them in person is heartbreaking.

Secondly, what a career heartbreak. My attempts to pursue this dream have been a checkerboard with some successes and some failures. This seems like an overwhelming square that will wipe out my checkerboard. The question is, will it be black or white?

Which leads me to my final question. Regardless of the color of this square, I won't give up. With all the strength left in me, I won't give up. But this seems like it could be such a devastating blow to my ability to take risks, I feel that my attempts will go from cliff diving to puddle splashing.

I will support my team, my church and this project the best that I can. If that means doing research and praying from home, I will throw my heart into it.

(Cue emo moment:)

The broken, shattered pieces of it at least.